


Per Aspera Ad Astra

by Saanak



Series: The Unspoken [1]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Lawson is a CarolxMaria shipper that's just facts, the pining is strong in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 01:30:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20018047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saanak/pseuds/Saanak
Summary: “You…,” Carol sighs, words failing her, “you mean a lot to me.” That’s probably as close to the truth – the whole truth – as she’s ever going to get. She blames the tiredness in her muscles for that confession, the way the light from the TV illuminates Maria’s face and the aching that never goes away when she thinks of what she could have with Maria.





	Per Aspera Ad Astra

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time an anon asked for more Maria and Carol training together and at first it was just that - it morphed into something else, sorry about that.  
> Enjoy!

> Per Aspera Ad Astra: to the stars through hardships

Carol’s really, _really_ , trying not to stare at her best friend of several years. But it proves difficult when Maria jogs past her and winks. Carol should be used to the sight of Maria running by now. But there’s something new, something different about the whole situation. Maybe it has to do with the fact that Carol’s a little bit in love, but that’s really, _really_ not relevant.

Maria’s doubled on the physical work to get back in shape after Monica’s birth and it has gotten harder and harder for Carol to ignore how attractive her friend is.

It’s kind of unfair how good Maria can look after running 5 miles. Or maybe it’s because Carol is a bit biased. And Carol’s biggest problem? Maria always looks like this, or even better.

She’s liked Maria since they met, and they’ve said “I love you” more than a few times since that faithful day. But there’s a difference between those I love you’s and the ones she wants to whisper like a prayer on Maria’s skin… Her heart aches in a way that has nothing to do with the miles she’s run.

Maria jogs back, towards her. “Tired, Danvers?”

“Never, and you know it.”

She certainly will never tire to watch the way Maria’s back muscles work under her tank top… Carol had never thought she was a muscles person before. Turns out she was a Maria’s muscles person.

Carol knows there’s no point in pining over her best friend. It just would never happen. The mere idea of talking about it to Maria makes her palms sweat – there’s no way she would ever endanger what they have with a discussion of _feelings._ Feelings that basically every movie ever made had taught her were wrong. Except for a few, that she cherishes in secret. She hadn’t dared go see _Desert Heart_ when it came out, but had managed to get her hands on a copy of the book. It had been… eye-opening. Then she had heard of the _Price of Salt_ and had also acquired a copy – under heavy disguise, in a town where she has never set foot in again.

So even though she’s a little bit more okay with who she is, she’s not compromising her friendship with Maria over this.

Maria turns back to look at her and Carol tries schooling her features into something normal, but Maria must see _something_ , because she asks again “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Carol smiles, it feels – and must look - forced. “Yeah, of course! Don’t let your motherly instincts get to your head, love,” she teases, barely realizing her slip.

Maria rolls her eyes. “I’m not letting my mother – wait did you just say - ?”

Carol is saved by Lawson, who appears out of seemingly nowhere to greet them.

* * *

Carol’s elbow-deep in motor oil and gears, her hair up in that tight bun that is the only hairdo allowed here. Her overalls probably haven’t been washed in… Lord knows how long, but Maria can’t tell the original color – and neither can anyone who’s ever worn them. So yeah, Carol is hardly the definition of sexiness right now. Yet Maria’s mesmerized.

Nothing’s changed. Everything’s changed. Maria’s a mom now. And Carol’s still here, as reliable as ever.

Maria blames it on the hormones. Whatever _it_ is. The love that poured out of her the first time she saw Monica probably spilled over – and that residual love is what she feels for Carol.

There’s no way Maria’s in love with her best friend.

Her loyal, amazingly smart, terribly stubborn, incredibly _attractive_ best friend.

Lawson appears out of nowhere, as usual. “How long have you known Carol?” she asks as if they had been having a conversation. Maria is almost used to it by now, she figures that scientists are bound to have some quirks like this.

“It’s been…,” she does a quick calculation, “almost 8 years.” Lawson doesn’t answer, and the silence makes Maria nervous. She fidgets. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I rarely see people looking at their friends the way you both look at each other.”

Maria freezes. She feels her entire body tense – what is Lawson suggesting? Is she even suggesting something? Maybe she’s seen things... no, Maria can’t go down that panic route right now. She barely manages to talk. “Oh?”

“Yes,” Lawson continues, seemingly not noticing Maria’s unease, “there’s awe and respect there. It must be a treat to have such a loyal friend.”

Maria doesn’t get to answer her – Carol calls them over to check something on the plane engine.

* * *

They’re both tired to the bone, it’s been a long week and an even longer month – a long year even, if Maria dares say so. But it’s the first time in a while they can unwind and so, despite the tiredness, they try to watch a movie. But not even halfway through the movie, Carol apparently decides that Maria’s laps are comfier than the couch, and rests her head on them like she owns the spot (she doesn’t, it’s Monica’s first and foremost, but Maria can’t say she’s complaining). Maria focuses on the movie again, hands absentmindedly scratching Carol’s scalp.

It’s only when she makes an inane comment on the movie and doesn’t get an answer that she notices that Carol isn’t watching the movie at all.

“Are you even paying attention?” she asks, already knowing the answer.

“Not really,” Carol says.

“You okay there Danvers?”

* * *

If she’s okay? She’s in love with her best friend, and just spent 15 minutes contemplating the idea of confessing her feelings while gazing at said best friend.

“You…,” Carol sighs, words failing her, “you mean a lot to me.” That’s probably as close to the truth – the whole truth – as she’s ever going to get. She blames the tiredness in her muscles for that confession, the way the light from the TV illuminates Maria’s face and the aching that never goes away when she thinks of what she could have with Maria.

* * *

“Ew, that is so sappy,” Maria jokes, because it’s true. And she can’t _not_ joke, because if she doesn’t, she will focus on the way Carol looks at her – with something akin to love – and Maria will do something that she’s bound to regret, like kiss Carol.

Carol smiles, but it’s a small smile that barely reaches her eyes. She’s still looking up at Maria, but her eyes are now sadder. “I know. That doesn’t make it any less true.”

Maria realizes that this wasn’t the answer Carol was hoping for – and wonders what _exactly_ her best friend was hoping for. Surely not…? She thinks back to Lawson’s words – about loyalty and respect and awe.

Carol rises from her lying position and Maria immediately misses the weight on her laps.

“I should probably be going back anyway, it’s getting late,” Carol announces while stretching her arms upwards.

“You’re half-asleep, you’re not going anywhere.” Maria is as surprised as Carol when she hears her own voice – she didn’t mean to sound so stern.

Carol blinks, then shrugs. “Okay.”

If Carol doesn’t argue, she’s certainly in no shape to drive, and Maria feels a little less bad about her harsh tone. She turns off the TV, pulls out of a closet the blankets Carol always uses when she sleeps over and selects an old band t-shirt. Through the whole process, Carol is quiet in a way that doesn’t ease Maria’s worry.

Carol changes in the bathroom upstairs while Maria turns the couch into a quite decent bed in a few seconds. She starts going up when Carol goes down, and they meet in the middle of the stairs, fumbling for a second to not collide. Carol mumbles a “G’night”, without looking at her, and Maria is suddenly filled with dread, convinced that if she doesn’t do something right this second, it’ll be over.

Instinctively, Maria puts her hand on top of Carol’s on the banister.

“Hey,” she hesitates, unsure, before taking the leap, “you mean a lot to me too.”

Carol finally looks at her, the haze in her eyes seeming to lift up. “Yeah?”

She’s a step below Carol, and it would be so easy to reach out and…

“Of course. Don’t you know it by now?”

“I…,” Carol sighs, but says nothing more.

Maria squeezes Carol’s hand. “Never doubt it.”

* * *

_Their first kiss is shared months later, and they never celebrate anniversaries, but it’s to this night, this instant, that they look back when they think of the day they_ knew _._

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to add this story to a series that also includes the OS of Silence, I found it fitting.  
> Please let me know if there are any grammar oddities, English isn't my first language! I'm not completely happy with this story as a whole, so if you find it ooc or just plain weird feel free to say!  
> As usual, kudos, prompts and comments are super appreciated, feel free to come talk to me at alexdumas-ghost on tumblr!


End file.
